“The mother who
takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth
and easy days.”
Charlotte Mason, English educator in the late 19th
century
Last month we
worked on the habit of manners and obedience. Monday morning when my kiddos
came downstairs they found me cutting little charts to tape to the wall. We had done this a couple of years ago so the
kids were familiar with the charts. We
call them “O.K. Dad O.K. Mom” carts.
(Terribly exciting I know.) The
idea is simple: Each time they say “O.K Mom” or “O.K. Dad” They got to color in
a square. “Please put your shoes away.”
“O.K. Mom!” “Can you hand me the baby wipes?”
“O.K. Mom!” We do not require this response from them. We were encouraging
the extra steps they were taking when they acknowledged that they were being
spoken to and used self-control in those difficult moments.
When we played this game two years ago I had a prize box and used stickers to fill
in the spaces. Each time they completed
a row they got to pick something out of the box. This time we were much less fancy. We just used crayons instead of stickers, and
we didn’t have a prize box. (Although my
competitive daughter thought it prize enough to beat her brothers to the
end of the row!)
We do not expect
that our kids always obey without question, as long as they ask questions respectfully
and accept the response. “Hey kids! It is time to clean up.” “Can I have 5 more
minutes, Mom?” Then- whatever my answer-they should respond with self
control. We described this kind of good-mannered
obedience as cheerful (Looking back I would have used the word “joyful” not “cheerful”. “Cheerful” is not always possible-nor is it how we are called to obey.) quick and complete.
If they said “O.K. Dad” but stomped off in anger or never got around to the
task, they didn’t get to fill in the square.
The experience
was positive for us. The spirit of
obedience and good manners seems to be contagious. The kids encouraged each other. I felt like I repeated myself less because I
knew that they heard me the first time.
They got into it and made up situations and question in order to get a
chance to say “O.K. Mom,” but I was fine with that. They thought that they were pulling one over
on me, but we were working on the attitudes and habit. The more often they got did it the
better! (The only thing I put a halt on
was the competition.)
I have read the
articles against obedience. (Wouldn’t
our grandparents have been shocked?) The
argument is that they want their children to learn to think not to obey. I am not interested in getting too deep into
that argument, but only to say that I do not find these two to be mutually
exclusive. Watch my daughter (yes, the
competitive one!) receive an instruction and anyone can see her thinking and
processing. Obedience takes thought too, but obedience also takes trust either in
the authority or the God who put the authority there.
I learned a lot from this little exercise. I must be worthy of the trust I am asking
them to have when they don’t understand.
I also realized how many instructions I give my kids. There are A LOT of things that I ask of them
in a day. It made me appreciate why they
might grow tired of hearing my voice. I experienced
the twinge of guilt when they would ask for something and my attitude was not
joyful. I set the example of good
manners in my response. Even more than a
silly game, they are watching my response to this as well.
This post is linked up at Raising Arrows and We Are that Family and Raising Homemakers and Raising Mighty Arrows
Also linked up at http://teachingwhatisgood.com/ and http://www.growinghomeblog.com/
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I read in one of the Duggars books that they had a Yes, Ma'am chart or something similar and for every "Yes, Ma'am/Yes, Sir" response, they got to write a tally mark and at the end of the allotted time period (week/month), they got one penny for every tally mark that they had acquired. I have thought of implementing something similar for my children as well! Stopping in from the Growing Home link up.
ReplyDeleteI can see the penny idea working well esp. as kids get older. I told my 7 y.o. about your comment and it made his eyes light up!
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